"Life's a climb..."

It's rare for life to come without challenges. We wouldn't be who we are if it weren't for these bumps in the road. For this reason, we need to face these road blocks with every bit of "oomph" we can muster out of our hearts, whether they be small, mediocre, or significantly large.

2009 began with a continuation of the most difficult physical training I had ever faced. My college rowing team had transitioned from its mild fall term practices on the lake to intense, endless, back-breaking winter training in the weight rooms, main gyms, and on the ergometers (aka indoor rowing machine). Two-a-days starting at 5 am included. Not only was I was facing a packed-full term of college courses, but I was going to bed at 1 am and waking up at 4:50 am for the beginning of an endless string of practices, tests, and so many other parts to my day. A sample of my day might've included 2-3 classes (from 1 hour and 20 minutes to 2 hours) and 2 intense practices.

Needless to say, I was miserable. I lost my motivation. In the fall, I had been named as 1 of 2 novices who had the potential to kick out varsity members for spots in the 8-boat (the top boat). As the winter term passed, however, I fell below the coaches' high standards. I started to care less and less. I didn't want so much pressure hovering over my head. I made excuses. I focused more on keeping my social life outside of the team. By the time our trip down to Georgia for spring training over spring break arrived, I was somehow still the 2nd best novice. Only my friend Amanda and I were invited from the female side of the team. I struggled to pay for it, but on the day of our departure, I was on the bus.

Spring training was an interesting 10 days. We spent them at Lake Lanier in Georgia, living on house boats and wading in water that was literally negative degrees. Three practices a day. Snow. Rain. By the third day, every piece of clothing we all owned was soaked. Our house boats were covered with our clothes, all in an attempt to dry them out for the next practice. We had no washers or dryers. We had to walk a few miles down the main road to an inn to reach any civilization. We had to walk up a hill and down a small path to even go number 2. (We called the building "the crapper.") There were no docks at the beach we launched off of for every practice, so we had to walk thigh-deep into the water before we could place our extremely heavy boats in the water and jump and lift ourselves into our seats. By the time we successfully strapped ourselves in, our toes didn't exist. They were rocks on our feet, and they usually didn't thaw out until the end of practice. Unfortunately, we then had to jump back into the freezing cold water to bring our boats in.

Think about it. I barely had any motivation coming into spring training. How do you think I felt throughout the first several days? I hated it. Every night, when I shared a bed with the other female novice, I dreaded waking up the next day. Don't get me wrong. I became close with a few people on the team, but to me, life sucked those first 4 or 5 days. When the second half of the trip finally started, the sun came out. We were greeted by weather that didn't seem to have the desire to taunt us and kill our bodies down to our very bones. On our time off, my friends and I took a trip up to the inn and played tennis. We snuck onto the beach where our boats were and fooled around on the trampolines that were randomly placed along the sides of the location. Got in trouble for "trespassing," despite the fact that we were with OUR boats. We then got lost trying to make our way to the inn at night. Walking along a forest-lined street at night with barely any lights can make for a creepy scene. Despite all of this, however, I lost a significant margin of any hope I had left for my future with the team. As the trip started coming to a close, the coaches began limiting the people who went out for each practice. They were starting to cut down for who would be in each boat. I didn't make the main cuts. I got time off while everyone else practiced. My mind was a jumbled mess. Was I happy about this? Should I be disappointed? The answer was a mixed one. Then the upperclassmen were beginning what they called "freshmen initiation." Typical, right? I didn't care. I was already miserable, and I wasn't getting along with many of the upperclassmen, thanks to their insane cliques. The only good part of this process was "pirate day." Oh, and there were hot tubs on top of our house boats. Now that part, I liked.

Enter: spring training back at school. The spring season, or the prime season in rowing, was beginning. The top novice (my friend Amanda) was placed in the 8-boat. I was the head of the novice boat. As we kicked everything into higher gear (if that was possible), I began regaining my internal desire to do my best. What had I done over the past 4 or 5 months? I had given up. I had thrown in the towel, so to speak, and I was sorely disappointed in myself. I had set up boundaries. Limits. Finish lines. My mental longevity had been tricked by the pointless and pathetic boundaries I had placed in front of my sub-consciously miserable vision. So, one day, during our 4 by 1K tests on the ergometers, I decided to test myself. Go all out. Put everything on the table. Well... the floor of the rowing room, really.

Enter: life lessons. What the heck are boundaries anyway? Four walls to encase us in our own doubts and worries? A roof that kills our spirits' desires to soar upward and out into the unknown?

Boundaries are pointless. Nothing, and I repeat, nothing, can stop us from achieving our dreams. The only thing stopping us from getting anywhere in life is... ourself. We need to learn to throw away whatever misunderstood notions of limits we have and dive into our passions and dreams. That's all that should matter.

As the spring season went on, I pushed myself without any end. Soon, I was beating every score I had ever posted on the wall in the rowing room. During our weekly 4 by 1K erg tests, I would murder my previous week's score, and this happened every, single week. I continued to gain on the varsity members. I was close. I could feel it. After my first race, where I headed the novice boat, I was placed in the varsity 4-boat for a few practices, and the coaches mentioned to me that I was really improving. They were impressed. As the season went on, our team was placed first in the nation. We continued winning gold medals. Unfortunately, I was placed as 1 of 2 spares. This was both a good and a bad thing. It meant that I was invited onto the varsity team, but I was not racing. Also, some of the girls in the 8 and 4-boats were not the kind to myself and the other spare. This continued throughout the spring season. In the end, I did not race in a varsity boat due to 2 reasons:
1) I did not have the technique the other freshmen had from years of rowing, due to my novice status. I had "really impressive" technique, but it wasn't enough.
2) My lack of faith throughout the winter training had killed my physical training. I hadn't gained the stamina others had while I had been whimping out. My spring training brought me amazing advances in this area, but once again, it wasn't enough.

Enter: NCAA Champhionships. We were still ranked number 1 in the nation. Every other novice but myself had been cut. The coaches took me aside one practice in late April and spoke to me privately. They told me something I will never forget. I was lucky enough to be a member of a truly amazing group of individuals with unbelievable abilities. I walked onto the team in the fall and I became a legit member of one of the top teams in the nation in a college Disivion II sport. That was a force to be reckoned with. I was proud. Sure, in private, tears fell and I was heartbroken. After all of my hard work since spring break, I had been very, very close to making the varsity 4-boat for NCAAs, but I had fallen just short because of the first reason listed above. On the other hand, the coaches wanted me to be a part of the 14-member varsity travel squad that would be at NCAAs, competing for a national title. I was humbly honored.

But then I made another mistake. I battled myself for a solid week, debating whether or not I should quit. Right before NCAAs, I wanted to quit. My reasonings? I could go home earlier and not deal with 3 extra weeks of continued physical and mental strain. Was it worth it to go through with it all just as a spare? I was dumb. I was pathetic. In the end, after numerous tear-filled conversations with my mother about it all, I decided to stay.

This became my life's motto:
“Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart... that's true strength.”

Once school let out for the summer, we stayed in apartments on campus for an extra 2 weeks. We practiced endlessly. The other spare, Ashley, and myself, were told that we would be racing in a pair boat at NCAAs. Drama arose between several of the girls. It wasn't pretty, but we made it through.

Enter: 2009 National Championships. Camden, NJ. May 29th-31st. Ashley and I raced. We won 2nd. As a whole, our team - after nerve-wrecking trials, semi-finals, and finals - won second. We became the national runner-ups in the entire country. I teared up while we stood on the platform at the award ceremony, a trophy in my hand. Throughout my entire life, I have always dreamed of what it would be like to be one of the athletes standing at an awards ceremony at NCAA with the honor of knowing you had gained the accredation of being the top in the country. I couldn't believe it. My hard work and complete 180 degree turn-around after spring break had lead to a moment I had never thought could happen.

In the end, you could say I learned a great deal about myself throughout my freshmen year of college. The cool thing? It's not all due to the entrance into the world of entirely crazy changes that college brings. Instead, I can say I was blessed enough to be a member of a truly amazing group of individuals with unbelievable abilities. I walked onto the team in the fall and I was able to go to NCAAs and become a member of the second best crew in the nation. I will never, ever forget all of the special moments during that long weekend in Camden. I am so proud to be able to say that I was a part of the 2009 crew from Mercyhurst College. Not only because we got so far, but because we were a truly unique group. I learned a lot during my experiences on that team, and I know I’ll take those lessons and discoveries and be a much improved person in the future. In fact, I already am.

There were so many times throughout the winter and spring seasons that I wanted to call quits, throw up my hands and give in. Somehow, I was able to find the strength within myself to keep chugging through, and during the spring season, I managed to find an extra surge of determination and raise my standards for myself. I’m at a loss as to how I did it, but nevertheless, I did. Because of all of this, I'm a new person. As I said at the beginning of this post, it's a rare thing for life to come without any challenges. These challenges bring you heartbreak, lost chances, lost hope, and so much more... but the real challenge is overcoming every other challenge, every boundary, and every limit you set for yourself. Don't let what happened to me during my winter season happen to you. Don't give up. Trust me. You'll regret it more than you're willing to believe until you truly experience it.

So... to end this extremely, incredibly, ridiculously long post, I'll repeat what I have said once before...
Limits aren’t meant to be set for your mental longevity. Limits are meant to be broken down and battered with a boat’s oar. No matter what you force yourself to believe, there will always be more. Life offers too many chances for progress and new grace that you simply cannot bar yourself down with the belief that you have reached your limit. Boundaries are impossible. In order to achieve any sort of dream that you may have, you have to dive headfirst into the seemingly impossible pool that lies beyond any boundaries blocking your way. This is what life is all about, whether or not people choose to believe it.

Up next: Summer '09. The very start to discovering my true passion and finding my non-biological sisters. =)