"Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things."

I was originally going to split up my year and explain things part by part, but throughout the day today, some of my friends inspired the following train of thoughts.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." (Flavia Weedn)

Trust me when I say that your freshmen year of college brings you a plethora of friends. You all share a common bond of the unknown. Plus, whether or not you have a declared major, you haven't truly found yourself. It takes the strange and sudden change in your life to force you into reality. It's that time in life. You have to head out into the real world and start figuring things out for yourself. Everyone is starting out fresh, so you all connect and smile up a storm. Everyone wants to feel like they're part of a circle of friends.

For me, I was extremely lucky. I was placed in the second floor of Egan Hall at my school. The girls on my floor and I all bonded within the first few days. And I could be myself for the first time in years. Throughout middle school, I had had problems believing in myself enough to throw away any worries about what others thought of me. I faked a personality. In high school, I took a significant step and tossed those worries to the side. I still wasn't completely being myself, however. So, then came college. My new friends and I were nearly inseparable all year long. I made friends outside of the dorm as well, and besides one huge part of my life at the time, I was content. The so-called scary entrance into the college life, where you have to make all new friends and learn to live on your own, became an easy transition.

Then came sophomore year. Two of my friends and I decided to room together in an apartment, and it was fabulous. But as they year went on and I discovered several things about myself (these will be described in later posts), those friends that I had so relied on the year prior slowly faded. It was different. We weren't a simple walk down the hallway from each other. We had to make the effort to call for plans. I worked a lot between two jobs, so my social time was limited. Over the summer, I had started to make a few friends through the internet. Friends I was quickly discovering were non-biological sisters. Unfortunately, they lived vast distances away from me. So, we relied on twitter, facebook, and texting to strengthen our friendships. I quickly found out that friends break promises all too easily. Some of my friends from freshmen year saw the changes in my life as negative. They didn't like that I was constantly texting others. They didn't understand my constant trips out to concerts or why I was so dedicated towards a certain goal that need be unnamed here. They didn't make the effort to see me outside of my hectic work schedule. Then they complained to others that everything with our loosening friendships was my fault. That I didn't want to remain friends, especially with the newly discovered fact that I would have to transfer after the Thanksgiving holiday. They gave up on our friendships. I was crushed.

At the same time, however, I had found friends through my favorite band who had become nothing short of my sisters. They were there for me no matter what situation came up. When I was down, they were there. And not only that, but they understood me, and even if they didn't, they had the desire to help me anyway. They cared about my dreams and they supported me. My friends back at school didn't express the same faith.

Let me just add as a sidenote that one of the things I value the most in my life is the circle of friends I surround myself with. Without a doubt, my friends are what keep me together. They hold my heart always and forever. I pride myself in the fact that I treat my friends like my family. I love them for who they are and I try my best to be an inspiring person for them when they need it.

So, as time went on, I finally discovered what my one true passion is. (This will also be described in later posts.) It was strange. I didn't necessarily change, but I did become more inspired. More dedicated. More focused. I had been lost as to who I truly was becoming, and once I finally discovered the truth buried deep within myself, the friends who were, in lack of better terms, "real" appeared before me with a bright, genuine, and loving light. They became the other half of my heart.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family. They've always been there and I know they'll be there one way or another in the future. Yet, once this entire revelation occured, I lost my parents' main support. They didn't understand it. They still don't. I'm lucky enough to have an older sister who was willing to see everything for what it really was, and she wholeheartedly said the words that I needed to hear the most from a family member. Now, I'm forced to rely on my friends for the mental and emotional support I will undoubtedly need and have already needed. I'm a strong person. I'm set on my own goals in life, and I have a strong will to follow my dreams with every bit of passion and heart that I possess. But in the end, everyone needs friends to keep going.

So... one reason why I know 2009 will always and forever be the year I will remember most? The sisters I have found throughout all of the bitter turmoil. They are my rock. They are my soul. If you're reading this, know that I plan on never letting you go, never letting you slip away. I love you all with such passion that it almost scares me. This is what my heart has always been waiting for. My parents let me go after what I desire, but they don't show the support that one would truly hope. Over time, my heart has sub-consciously envied a circle of friends that would complete my very being. If I've ever tried to convince myself that I had found a best friend for life in the past, I was wrong. Those friends are now. When I was swirling in a pool of uncertainty and confusion, you found me and pulled me out. You brushed the dirt off of my clothes and opened your hearts to me. You helped me find my future. You helped me find myself, and for that, I am forever and eternally in debt. I love you all so much. Don't ever forget that. Just like I know you will be there for me, I will always be there for you. No matter what happens.

These two words will always have a deeper meaning for me: Thank you.

"If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me."

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive."

Edit (1/7/10): Just for clarification, I want to point out that I was a bit harsh in this post. I failed to bring up the fact that I am, indeed, still close with a lot of the people I loved back at school. There were just some rocky roads back in November. I do love all of them to no end, though. =)